I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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