you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
