it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
