Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
