Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
