that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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