the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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