If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize