textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
