Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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