meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
