I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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