i jhust puked up my retainher.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
