In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
