hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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