We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize