I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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