Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
