allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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