I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
