Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
