So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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