my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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