I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
