Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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