went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
