did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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