i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This is my gift to your gina
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
