let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize