UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
