Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
