I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
