im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
