Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
