I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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