We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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