Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
