i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
