I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize