I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
