There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
