I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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