He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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