I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I understand Curling. That high.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
