The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
