I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
