Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
