Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
