your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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