So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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