all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
