I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
