I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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