I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
