My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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