all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
