is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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