I want to stick my p in your. b.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize