There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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