I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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