i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
