Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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