is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize