More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
