tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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