But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
