Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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