I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
