Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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