WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
