I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
