NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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